Ten ways to get your own back on your kids

Feel smug with these tips from fellow Mums

Most of the time it feels like the kids are winning, but here are a few fun ways to restore the balance…

Eat their sweets.

Being a good Mum means encouraging healthy eating habits, which means moderating the amount of sugar that they consume. The answer? Eats their sweets for them! Natalie from Tophats & Tiaras agrees “I pinch their sweets while they aren’t looking and then say ‘oh dear your sweets have all gone!’” Good work Natalie, I like your style! I mean, I would be lying if I said that I have never eaten their sweets in front of them to teach them a lesson!

Sweets taste better when taken from a child, no?

Sweets taste better when taken from a child, no?

Out-kid them.

If they’re being super annoying, I’ll join in. I’ll hide around the house (and enjoy a moment of insta-scrolling in peace) or make up my own irritating language. They usually get bored and leave me alone - result!

Singing!

Hester from Mumala Club played a blinder here “My daughter was once super cheeky and nothing seemed to be working. So I sat her in a chair and sung to her as punishment - I don’t have the voice of an angel so she soon snapped out of it and then found it really funny”.

Hidden Vegetables

Vanessa from Baby College suggested blending vegetables into their favourite food. This is something that we can all feel smug about. Sneakily getting vegetables (the arch nemesis of children up and down the country) into our children without them knowing? Genius!

Ram those vegetables in their food and celebrate the secret win.

Ram those vegetables in their food and celebrate the secret win.

Tooth Fairy Tactics

Now this one did make me laugh! Claire from Florrie & Bert (confessed on her Mums behalf) “I found out (only recently and I’m 38) that she would take the money from our money boxes when it was time to be the tooth fairy! It was never new money, I never got richer”. Fair play to Claire’s Mum, I’m almost disappointed in myself that I hadn’t thought of this one. Although, I think I would struggle to do it without waking the kids whilst immaturely sniggering to myself.

Looking Ahead

Something to look forward to once they’re older - changing the locks! Catherine from Delegate VA had a new front door fitted when her daughter left for University. As you wave fondly saying how much you’ll miss them, have the nearest locksmith on speedial ready to come over as soon as their car is off the drive.

Secret Hand Gestures

A personal favourite of mine is giving them the middle finger behind their backs.
Childish? Yep.
Satisfying? Totally!
If they are real pissing me off, there is nothing better than flipping them the bird as soon as they turn their backs on me. There are two things to consider before engaging in this one though…
- Other children. The more kids you have, the more likely you are to get caught by one of the little bastards. Kind of adds to the challenge I think!
- Mirrors! Mirrors have got me into trouble on this one before, so beware of any nearby reflective surfaces.

I take great satisfaction from swearing at them behind their backs - childish, but fun.

I take great satisfaction from swearing at them behind their backs - childish, but fun.

Be Everywhere, See Everything

Jacky from Cook, Chat & Share shared her story “When mine were little I Remember one day they were kicking off in the front room, and from the kitchen, which was 2 rooms away but in a straight line, I could see in the reflection of the window what they were doing. So I shouted for them to stop (What ever it was they were doing) and sit on the sofa now. They instantly stopped and sat on the sofas. A while later my son, the eldest, Said, ‘Mummy how could you see what we were doing?’ I said, ‘I am a mum and wherever you are I can see what you do’”. Amazing work Jacky, high five to you.

Take Control of Technology

We all know that the whole world relies on WiFi, and that without it we all crumble into a quivering mess. Well, this is the ultimate payback for older kids, as suggested by Catherine “I'd turn the WiFi off and encourage her to sit quietly and read” - Gasp! Turn it off and watch the carnage unfold, mwahahaha. Too young to notice? Hide the TV remote - this is a sure fire way to fuck my seven year old right off!

They’re quite happy until you turn the wifi off - then watch shit go down.

They’re quite happy until you turn the wifi off - then watch shit go down.

Hand them over

If all else fails and you’ve really had enough of their dickish behaviour, hand them over to someone they don’t like. Super-strict Grandparents, that strange Auntie who smells of cats, the neighbour that loves nothing better than talking in number sentences. Hell, pay someone if you have to! Got to be worth an hour of peace right?

I’d love to hear how you get your own back on your kids (I’m always looking for new ideas to piss my kids off!) Let me know in the comments below. If you know anyone that might appreciate a bit of revenge on their kids feel free to share this with them and join me over at @thismumthing on Instagram.